The World of Mine

Yes, I have now 24-hour access to the Internet. Yes, I get now notification every time a new e-mail arrives in all my three e-mail accounts' inboxes. Yes I am now always signed in in the YM. And yes, I can now update my facebook status and see those of my friends without having to even open my PC.

My new Blackberry 8900 (I've got free from my office, btw) allows me to do all the stuff almost without any interruptions (excepting when I try to browse, which I believe must be due to the slow GPRS connection --this is a major chronic disease of Internet connection in Indonesia btw).

This is more than I've ever wished for. Yes, I used to wish I could have intensive access to the Internet just a few years ago, when I had to go to internet cafes and pay between Rp 4,000 and Rp 6,000 (about 0.5 U.S. cent) per one-hour terribly-poor access every time I wanted to see my e-mail, send some, google and browse.

But, well, now after I am fully, 24-hour connected to the Internet, a new problem arises, and that is distraction.

Yes, distraction.

I can't fight the temptation to continually check my Blackberry, to see whether the red flash light on the upper right of the screen is on, which indicates a new email, or a new YM message, or a new BBM (Blackberry Messenger) message, or a new facebook notification has arrived.

No, I don't check whether there is a notification in the gadget every hour. I check it every minute! Every minute while the gadget is somewhere visible around me and while I am awake.

While I watch TV, and my Blackberry is nearby, I will every once in a while see if the flash light is on. And so when I read a book, write, eat, wash clothes or dishes, and so on ...

That is the distraction. The Blackberry notifications. Now it's a real challenge for me to focus and concentrate on one object for long because I always want to know whether someone sends me something.

I am now so easily distracted, and that is because of the Blackberry.

I remember reading an article saying that this distraction, difficulty to concentrate 'phenomenon' has begun attacking people who are addicted to facebook (I dunno whether it applies to other social networking sites).

I am not addicted to facebook; I've even started to leave it.

But, those email, YM, BBM notifications, etc ... have likely made me addicted.

I'm not quite sure either if it is an addiction, as basically I don't enjoy being distracted like that.

I'm suspicious this has something to do with early symptoms of obsessive-compulsive behavior. Of course I don't expect myself to suffer from such psychological illness, but actually I've always been suspicious I do in rather mild extent.

If my friend reads about this obsessive-compulsive suspicion, however, she will surely laugh at me, call me paranoid (another psychological disorder), and say that I again only recklessly self-diagnose myself, whose results have never been correct.

Whatever the case, I don't care. All I want is ending this stupid 'addiction' to Blackberry notifications and earn back my capacity to focus on things without having to necessarily turn off the gadget.

Waiting ... I am again waiting. Yesterday I wait for 1.5 hours, the day before I wait for 2 hours, and now I've been waiting for almost 3 hours, and will have to still wait for about 3 more hours.

I hate waiting. I remember asked about the thing I hated to do the most --when I was in elementary school-- and I readily answered with, "Waiting".

But now, waiting likely constructs most of my days. As a matter of fact it is a permanent, inseparable part --unfortunately-- of my job.

One of the editors at my office responded easily to this waiting stuff complains from one of the reporters saying, "Ninety percent of our job is waiting..."

Others said, "Well, what else do you expect? That's what we're paid for."

...

Indeed, when I began this reporting job, I thought it was all about adventures and meet, see and learn new things everyday -- just the right stuff for easily-bored soul like mine.

Later on I found, however, that adventures are just once in a while; maybe once in a month or lately even two or three months; and most of my days I have to unwillingly fill with waiting.

Waiting for the President to finish the Cabinet meetings, waiting for one or two of his ministers to address a press conference, waiting for some of the officials to be willing to talk, waiting for the events to start ... and so on...

It might not be a very big deal when you can do something elses during the wait. But often you can't do anything because the situations are just too messy to do something.

Of course I can chat with my fellow journalists, who are also forced to wait. But, you don't wanna waste your precious hours talking about unneccessary stuff every day.

Now I begin to think that this job is not that wonderful anymore, but, hey, I don't wanna go back to my past either (back to the pharmaceutical firms, I mean). Maybe I just have to be more patient, waiting for other adventures --the more exciting and great ones-- to come. Maybe I can find better things to do during the waits in the mean time. Maybe this is still better than being extremely overworked, which I also detest.

O, humans, are they ever satisfied...?

And anyway, these waits for source persons are in fact nothing compared with my more-than-10-years of waiting for that bigger thing.

Rain...
Please come again
Please pour down upon the earth
Please pour down upon me
Wash away the dust and dirts on the overheated roads
Wash away the dust and dirts lingering on me
Bring life back to the dry deserted fields
Bring life back to the drying heart of me

Rain...
Don't leave now, please stay longer
Remain light for the earth
Remain light for me
Don't turn harsh, don't turn into storms
And never allow the floods to come along
For if you do so I'll be surely hating you
And very soon I'll be missing the blazing sun again

Look at Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint when they just entered Hogwart as first-year pupils, and look at the way they look in the latest Harry Potter movie.

Or, examine the difference between Elijah Wood when he starred in "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" or in "The War" in early 1990s, and when he appeared as Frodo in "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy in early 2000s.

Now compare that with the difference between Dakota Fanning, Anna Sophia Robb or Kate Maberly when they just appeared in the big screen and when they were last captured in camera.

Sense any difference?

Well, I guess we all agree that in term of physical and more specifically facial appearance while the boys are -- pardon me – turning arguably rather disappointing or not as handsome as they have been expected to be, the girls are on the contrary turning even prettier.

The actors and actresses I mentioned above are not the only case; I guess you can also see such 'phenomenon' among other celebrities and people around you, and maybe even in you yourself.

And this applies not only on Americans and Europeans; you can see that too on Indians, Indonesians, Arabs, and so on (cmiw).

In Indonesian case my fellow Indonesians can perhaps identify the 'phenomenon' (I don't know what to call this) in local celebrities, such as Sherina Munaf and Derby Romero, Joshua, Agnes Monica, Eno Lerian, etc ... (feel free to fill the blank). While the girls are turning notably pretty or prettier from plain or just agreeable previously, the growth of the boys are rather if not very disappointing; people had expected they would have grown into fine-looking young men instead of deteriorating – once again in term of looks (I'm sorry indeed if I hurt anyone).

My friend tried to explain the phenomenon; she said boys are ducklings and girls are goslings. While boys grow and turn into ugly ducks, girls become beautiful charming swans as they grow up.

Well, after the situation is well defined, a large big question remains: WHY ... ?

Is that because girls turn more careful about their looks and thus spend more time to well care of their bodies and the boys don't (they rather let the weathers and surroundings do whatever the latter want on them) ?

Or because the growth of bones in boys, not like in girls, occur rather irregularly?

Once again, this is not always the case. But I guess I can say that this is most of the case however different your opinion and mine are of what constitutes a beauty.

I am open to any kind of theories and discussions, as well as protests and disagreements.

Cheers ...!

I'm a reporter but am not quite aware of latest news, of what happens around me and throughout the globe. More specifically I'm a political reporter (i.e. that who covers political stories), but avoid reading political news as far as I can.

I have no interest indeed to force myself to religiously follow every development of political cases, as my fellow political reporters usually do.

Covering politics is not my choice; and having to get stuck with those issues --which are getting increasingly tense and immense during the period surrounding legislative and presidential elections buzz-- just makes me sick.

It is enough I do most of my days heavily labored in covering the intriguing, maddening political maneuvers. I don't want my leisure to be fulfilled with the stuff, too, especially when even my days off are irresponsibly cut for the sake of the political reports.

Who cares about politics? You cannot possibly love it when you gain no benefit out of it yet at the same time have to be heavily exposed to all kinds of intrigues, inconsistencies, cheating and attacking of one another devilishly in it.

Such as in the legislative elections, you previously believe that this political party deserves your vote because it seems clean, has good track records and consists of a troop of bright party members.

But that easy, when you follow their political maneuvers, you find that they are not as nice as you thought. They are intriguing, do disagreeable stuff, and turns very disappointing to your eyes.

Or in presidential race; you formerly believe that this candidate is better than the others, but you see then how he refuses to admit his defects and promises no changes.

I hate those who can only make promises but not fulfill them, but I also hate those who don't even think it is necessary to promise and at least try to make some changes.

Journalists specially covering certain issues, particularly those having done it for years, will either turn into experts in or become skeptical toward everything related to the issues.

Most of those I know are unfortunately among the latter.

I used to dislike journalists' skepticism, believing it was no other than their pathetic attempts to sound critical and appear no different to their peers. Becoming skeptical toward anything was likely the highest norm among journalists; that was what I thought.

But, now, after going through all the stuff myself; after my editors overwork me, cut my holiday right and add my work hours without compensation, and force me to be six days per week, fourteen hours per day exposed to the devilish, intriguing, maddening and hectic political buzz, and even tell me to alertly sharpen my ears for circulating gossips; I have unwillingly likewise turned into one of those highly skeptical persons.

It drives you mad writing the often very disagreeable stuff with your heart, writing how those human beings can treat one another so mean. So I learn not to feel and view, but only to think of how I can complete my stories soon, of how I can do them without sounding like siding with one of the parties or candidates, and of how I can get well paid with my own hard work.

Maybe not all politicians are rubbish. Maybe some, or even many of them are honest and dedicated politicians who indeed get involved in politics because they feel strong inner push to improve the management of this country.

But those intrigues blur everything. Quoting U2, I would say that "Now I can't be sure of anything. Black is white, and cold is heat..." in politics.

And instead of reading political news or watching political debates on TV, I'd rather spend my days off reading light novels or watch Spongebob Squarepants.