The World of Mine

On the great universe
I found how small I am
I found how small human being is
I found how even smaller than a dot we are
Compared with the exceedingly vast universe

On the great universe
I found how fool we are
I found how least what we know of life is
As of so many things floating in the universe
The earth is the only object we fairly know
And we don't know it that well either

On the great universe
I found how arrogant we are
Think and act as if we were the owner of everything exist
While we can't even come out of the milky way

And finally on the great universe
I found how great the Creator is
Creating all things that are there so arranged and so useful
So detailed and so beautiful
And how pathetic we are
If still believe that they created their own selves

Ok. I agree now; that the global economic recession is deepening and taking its toll on everyone, including me (!).

Nope, I am not dismissed from my job, thank God. But, well, there are still some bad news, which have made all my hopes upon better payment this year, when prices of every goods seem to soar, fly away.

I had anticipated, along 2008, for twice raises in monthly salaries, twice bonus disbursements and twice holiday allowances (for Idul Fitri and Christmas) in 2009.

I only secured the allowances last year because, despite having been employed for an entire year in 2007, my status as a new permanent staff in early 2008 denied me the right for salary raises and the bonuses.

Somehow, I was not yet eligible for them, the human resources department said. That has yet to mention holiday allowances I failed to get in late 2007, despite a government regulation stipulating that companies must give at least a holiday allowance for employees having been working there for even only one month (I'm not sure if it applies, too, for those having been working for less than a month).

If the employees have worked for more than a year, than they are eligible for one time monthly base payment. If less than a year, than it depends on how many months they have served at the companies, the regulation from the Manpower and Transmigration Ministry says.

Despite the ruling, I was denied to my right for the holiday allowance in late 2007 though at that time I had worked in my current firm for eight months. Protests were useless; the HRD manager said it was the company's policy, whether I like it or not.

Okay, then, I tried to accept that, however I thought unfair it was. And so, I expected that I would earn my rights for the allowances in my second year at office. As I mentioned above, in the second year, that is 2008, I got the allowances, though I was denied by rights for the bonuses and salary rises.

Protests were again useless. It looks like I have to resign and seek position in other places if I want such rights to be fulfilled. Because well, I realized it is not that easy to find places that can pay and treat me better, I decided to stay.
And I put my hopes on 2009, when the company has no more excuses to deny my rights for all the salary raises, bonuses and holiday allowances.

But, boom, the global financial meltdown strikes. Previously Indonesia expected to be only lightly affected by the crisis, but as 2009 arrives, we found that it is, too, hitting us badly, though maybe not as bad as the US, Europe or China because we are not an export-oriented country.

And guess what? Yes, 100 for you...! Yap, this time using the crisis as the excuse, which is hard to reject, my company has announced it would not raise the salaries even once this year (all our work performances in the previous year mean nothing, hence), would not disburse any of the bonuses, though thank God they haven't said anything about the holiday allowances.

But, the company I work at is not by all means an ailing company like AIG. If AIG, which has received the US government bailout can still disburse millions of dollars in bonuses for the executives, why can't my company pay just millions of rupiah in bonuses for its mere 200 something employees.

Moreover I know that they did not see declining profit last year. Where the money goes? To anticipate this year's deepening effects of the crisis? Perhaps so...

The western sky was getting reddish when you arrived. Hundreds birds flew away, surprised by your coming. You stood-still for a moment, and then sat down at your favorite place; the place where you could watch the sun going down beautifully, and its golden light produced dancing reflection on the nearby lake surface.

You used to detest the soaring hill across the lake. You dubbed it as a mere blockade to your sight, preventing you from following the complete movement of the sun. But, now, you seemed to start to understand that without the hill, this place would have not been the place you knew.

Your eyes gazed straight ahead. The crimson sky before you had been the natural phenomenon you had always loved the most. But now, every time you saw it, your heart cried. You missed those times so much, those very precious times to you, the ones you knew you would never find back.

Your smiled, remembering the first time you met Eric. You were here; all alone as always. Those that you called friends just left you; you were about to weep over it when suddenly he showed up. He teased you, doing this and that, trying to make you talk. But he made you so angry instead. You thought, ‘who is this boy? I didn’t even know him, how dare he play around with me!’ You yelled at him, telling him to go away, but all he did was continually laughing, and teasing you.

Now your eyes shifted toward the sunlight glittering on the lake. You laughed, remembering after that, you became close friend to him instead. He was a very cheerful boy; enthusiastic about almost everything. You never saw him sad. He liked to tell you so many stories, and he always encouraged you to do great things. He told you about his childhood memories, about distant places he had visited or heard of, about books he read, about his dreams, and all other things. And when you spoke, he listened to you carefully, never bothered to interrupt nor showed no interest. He is the best thing that has ever happened to you.

Your gaze fell slowly upon the yellow dry grass around your feet. You saw a group of pebbles scattering around nearby, and decided to take some of them. You rose, and one by one you reluctantly threw the pebbles into the lake, a thing you used to do with Eric. You remembered; you never made throws farther than his. Somehow he always made excellent distant throws, with some of the pebbles almost reaching the other side of the lake. Yours, on the other hand, never even reached half of distance he made.

You stared long at the last stone on your palm. Then you closed your eyes, took a deep breath in, and threw the pebble as strong as you could toward the other side of the lake. Your eyes turned wider at once, you laughed, as you watched the pebble bounced several times before plunging beautifully into the lake; right near the other side of it. In your heart you said joyfully, ‘Look, Eric! Look! Who says I can’t throw better than you?!’

The evening wind blew softly upon your face, moving your untied hair tenderly. Your heart trembled. The talk between Eric and his mother, while they were in their house’s kitchen, was presently buzzing in your ears. You were outside, behind the door. You heard it unintentionally just when you were going to step in.

“NO WAY, MOM! YOU CAN’T PUT ME IN THE HOSPITAL!! I DON’T WANNA STAY THERE…!!!” It was Eric, shouting to his mother, a beautiful and rather young lady who somehow always looked sad.

You wondered, what made Eric have to stay at hospital. He looked just fine; it couldn't be there was something wrong with hime.

“Honey, you shouldn’t speak like that…”, now Eric’s mother talked, with tremble in her voice. It sounded like she was trying hard not to cry.

Eric seemed to regret his high tone, and softened his voice as soon as he talked again.

“Please, Mom … you know it’s useless. You know we’ve come and visited the hospital maybe thousands of times, but still there’s nothing the doctors can do with me. You know that however I’m gonna die, Mom…”

You were paralyzed when hearing that. You hoped this was just a joke, but his mother's bursting into tears made you think it couldn’t have been any kind of joke. Didn’t know what to do, you ran without knowing where to go. Eric saw you, and then ran after you. He told you to stop, trying to say that you misunderstood. But you knew he was lying.

The sky was growing darker. You remembered the last time Eric took you here. The night was about to fall like now, and hundreds birds flew away when you and him arrived.

He walked close to the shore and gathered some pebbles scattering around, then threw them one by one into the lake. He talked again about one of his dreams; of how he always wanted to be a great architect, to build tall state-of-the-art skyscrapers no one could ever think of. He also told you about the place he wanted to spend the rest of his life in, and how he wanted you to stay there with him someday. Eric laughed, he looked so happy. His eyes were shiny, and his pale face looked so bright. It was like he wanted to show all he felt for you, and how happy he was for doing that.

Your stare turned empty again. You remembered when you visited Eric at hospital. It was the last time you saw him. His face was so pale, he looked so weak, and infusion pipes were adhered on his arms. But still, he lifted his hand up and brushed the tears on your face away. “Hey…, I’ll be okay”, he said.

You couldn’t hold those tears any longer. The sun was completely set now. There was no more reddish twilight that had painted the sky beautifully, nor was its glittering reflection on the clear lake surface.

Eric has gone. He died of cancer seven years ago. But, still you cannot forget him. You kept reminiscing him this way. You cry and cry, and let yourself lost in your never ending sorrow.

Duane, don’t you know how pathetic you are? The sun does set. But can’t you see what replace it? It’s the stars. There are hundreds; no, thousands, even millions of them. Look at how beautiful, how enchanting they are. I’m sure, Duane, if one of those stars were Eric; he must really want to say to you, ‘Shine, Duane, as what I’m doing. And one day, show people that you can make all your dreams come true’.

Duane, I want to be your best friend. Stay right by your side through the joy and the pain, and cheer you up like Eric used to do. But, what can I do? I am only an inanimate object. I am just a blue ring that you wear on your right ring finger.

---The End---

I have learned, through my own experiences and those of some others around me, that what you will eventually get (God's willing) are what your heart most desires and not necessarily what you think you want, however bad you think you want them.

This can perhaps answer some questions related to the Law of Attraction -- if it indeed works -- of why these wishes come true and others don't, why those dreams manifest and others remain mere dreams.

I remember, about four years ago (gosh, it feels like just yesterday) I wrote on a 'dream card' (that is a card someone gave me to write my dreams on) that by 15 years from then I would "have my writings read in at least three continents".

I was still a student at that time, doing my final year university study (which has nothing to do with my current reporting job), and though I'd written a lot, none of my writings, either fictions or non-fictions, had ever been published. I admit I didn't send a lot of my works to the media, but even the rare ones sent were never published anyway. Only some of my friends and my university mates read my works.

When I wrote the wish, I imagined I would be someone like J.K. Rowling, or other famous writers whose works have been published in different languages and read across dozens of countries. Shortly, I thought what I wanted was to be a famous author.

But, then, I realize that it is not exactly what my heart desires. It is only what I think I really want. I've found now that it is not fame I've been after, but feeling satisfied that my writings are read by people in many different countries and will be hopefully useful for them; either giving them valuable information or, most preferably, changing their perceptions toward many things.

That is what my heart desires. Four years after the wish was written down and two years after I commenced my reporting job, I've seen it coming true. Now when I type my name in Google, I can easily see my works published in dozens of websites with dozens of different domains, telling me how my writings have been read -- though not massively-- in Asia (particularly in Southeast Asia, of course), Europe, America, Africa, and fewer in Australia. My writings have been made reference in not just three, but five continents.

I remember, too, that when I was in high school -- that was about 10 years ago, I wrote down these lists of (1) 5 foods I most wanted to eat, (2) 5 items I most wanted to have, (3) 5 descriptions of me in the future, (4) 5 university departments I likely wanted to study in, and (5) 5 of my long-term dreams.

I wrote them from my heart, excepting the (4) list (I wrote it "likely" because I was not so sure either), and you know what? Ten years after, which is now, I have accomplished all items in the (1) and (2) lists, and most of those in the (3) and (4) lists. Only the (4) list that did not come true. I understand why, however; it is because I did not heartily wish for them.
I earned my bachelor degree from a pharmaceutical school, which was not on the list.

But, well, if I try to see it from different way, that the (4) list is not the departments I wanted to study in but more about the fields I wanted to learn some things from, that list has manifested, too. Being a reporter is becoming a generalist. I've covered almost all kinds of news, including those related to the five fields I put on the (4) list.

There are other things, of course; other evidence, true stories I can share with you so you'll perhaps start to believe that somehow the Law of Attraction might work, and make you understand why some wishes come true and some don't.

But, I prefer to let you sense the facts from your own surrounding, from your own experiences.

No; I’m not trying to say that I’m a believer of the Law of Attraction. I only know little about that anyway. But, I do believe that dreams come true; if not all, than many.

Note:
*The Law of Attraction simply says that you attract into your life whatever you think about. Your dominant thoughts will find a way to manifest.

The parents have gone to bed and are asleep, the clock on the stairs ticks monotonously, the windows rattle with the wind, the chamber is lit up now and again with fitful gleams of moonlight.

The boy lay tossing on his bed, and thought of the stranger and his talk. "It is not the treasurers," he said to himself, "that have stirred in me such unspeakable longings; I care not for wealth and riches; but that blue flower I do long to see; it haunts me and I can think and dream of nothing else. I never felt so before; it seems as if my past life had been a dream, or as though I had passed in sleep into another world, for in the world that I used to know who would have troubled himself about a flower? Indeed, I never heard tell of such a strange passion for a flower."

The opening words of "Heinrich Von Ofterdingen", a novel written by German author Novalis. Wish I could find the complete story...

I'm not sure if soulmate does exist. Honestly I'm even quite skeptical about the stuff. But if it does, I guess I know how it is created, and how someone knows if he or she has find the soulmate...

Once upon a time, up in the heaven, soulmate was a soul. But, then, as it was told to descend to the Earth through the dangerous Ozone layer -- the mesosphere, to be exact -- it was burnt, and broken down into two pieces (which are not always equal, I suppose).

Still up in the sky, the wind blows the now two separate pieces into different directions, and lands them onto two separate places, which could be very near or thousands miles away.

Each of the pieces then grows into a soul, a human being. He or she could be very handsome, or just plain; could make many friends or just a few; could be very rich or very poor; could be very successful in life or very bankrupt.

He or she could fall in love once or several times; and could have a lot of funs and feel a lot of happiness.
But, somehow, deep within they would always feel an emptyness, an immense and sometimes aching longing before their heart finds the other piece, the soulmate.

Since the beginning, the heart is incomplete; that's the reason for the emptyness. Only by finding and uniting with the other piece that it would feel complete; and would end, too, all the inexplicable longings, though afterward other problems may still arrive.

This is just a theory, by the way.

I know I've been far too late, and thus perhaps this piece won't be of any use to anyone anymore. But, well, I've promised, and though I've failed to fulfill the promise earlier, at least I still do what I've promised to do, i.e. writing about Hillary Clinton's intention of coming to Indonesia.

It has been confirmed, through her own remarks and those of Indonesia's presidential spokesman, that the reason why Clinton spent two days in Indonesia (on Feb. 18-19) amid her eight-day Asian visit is related closely to Indonesia's position in the Muslim world.

In her maiden overseas trip as the new US Secretary of State, Clinton visited Japan, Indonesia, and then South Korea and China. It is I think obvious why she visited the three other countries; because they are Asia's biggest economies.

Indonesia, on the other hand, is not yet a significant economy, though it has often been dubbed as an emerging economy and has now been included in the G-20 countries (20 countries with 20 biggest GDPs globally).

And yes, it appeared that her visit to the archipelago had no significant thing to do with economy. Clinton likely tried to embrace Indonesia to make it a major partner in the US' new foreign policy, which 'seeks a new way forward based on mutual interest and mutual respect' with the Muslim world.

She said US President Barack Obama’s administration wanted to reach out to the entire world and Indonesia would be an important partner in that effort.

“Certainly Indonesia, being the largest Muslim nation in the world, the third largest democracy, will play a leading role in the promotion of that shared future. So we are looking forward to deepening our cooperation on a number of shared issues,” Clinton said. (The Jakarta Post, Thursday, 02/19/2009)

According to Indonesia presidential spokesman Dino Patti Djalal, Clinton said predominantly Muslim Indonesia could serve as a model of how "Islam, democracy, modernization and the fulfillment of women’s rights could all grow in harmony".

Well, I guess it is clear now; the mystery behind her coming has been revealed.

Clinton has also said the US is now willing to listen more; in short she wanted to send messages of the new face of the US.

I think this article published at The Jakarta Post on February 20, 2009, could describe well her hidden mission and how it has been accomplished...

"Clinton ends visit with charm offensive"

"US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton looked to waste no time during her tightly arranged visit to Indonesia, which wound up Thursday.

On Thursday morning, Clinton, her face wreathed in smiles, appeared in music program Dahsyat on local broadcaster RCTI, in which the relaxed former first lady shared with the audience her love of classical music..."
more ... http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2009/02/20/clinton-ends-visit-with-charm-offensive.html