These last few weeks have been a sluggish, so tiring days for me. I’m losing mood to do anything, running out of energy to be as cheerful and enthusiastic as I usually am, and no longer having interest in the things I’ve always been interested in.

When I experienced these sorts of things a few years ago, I would have been extremely desperate and thought about suicides, without obvious reason why I have to do so. I just felt that days became so gloomy, that I lost hopes, that there was nothing I wanted to do.

But, now, after reading some articles on premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), I’ve become a little more relaxed. Well, knowing you are just among 5 percent of women in the world suffering from PMDD is enough to make you stop thinking about committing a suicide.

The articles have allowed me to know that my problems must have not been that bad. It is hormonal changes caused by the PMDD that makes them sound that bad.

Now, I’ve come to understand, too, that there’s no such thing as women being ‘mysterious creatures’, as often written by those male novelists writing as if they know everything about women.

Women have to undergo hormonal changes periodically, some with very severe symptoms of PMDD; that is why they can be so different person from one time to another. Aren’t that unpredictable, drastic changes in emotion that have contributed to that ‘mysterious’ label?

Talking about PMDD (is it a taboo, or sexually provocative I talk about it here? Actually, I’m not so troubled with having discussion on the topic because I’m a graduate of a health department – I’m a pharmacist, to be exact), some medical articles I’ve read suggest that women suffering from it need some medication to help them cope with their days.

Although being suspicious that I am indeed suffering from the disorder (I draw this conclusion from a simple PMDD test I did), I don’t think I need any of the medication. I can still work, can still write the news (by the way, I’m a pharmacist turn journalist), though having a little more difficulties to concentrate and write the stories in good structure.

I don’t know where I’m heading to with this writing. I don’t know my own points. Actually, my initial intention is just to channel this restlessness and loss of enthusiasm I’m currently experiencing.

Gosh, I just feel so sleepy, so having a drop in enthusiasm…I wish…I don’t even know what I have to wish for.

Actually, if it is indeed the PMDD symptoms that I’m currently having, I wonder why this month it is longer than in previous months. In fact, I’ve gradually lost enthusiasm in many things since last month, the reason why I spent a quite long time before sending another posting to this blog. Am I suffering from anemia, too? Or am I having a psychological problem?

Gee, I dunno…Just hope that these dark days become bright again sooner.